Tuesday, June 29, 2010

"To find a man's true character, play golf with him." ~P.G. Wodehouse

This quote caught my attention this morning. Partly because I live in Florida and well there is golf here. Where I live in Florida there is a lot of golf. I can see where he would get that idea from. Now I don't know who P.G. Wodehouse is and I didn't take the time to Google him this morning, just stating that upfront. For all I know he could have been a golfer. But the thing that went through my mind when I read that quote was "To find a man's true character, see him with children, either his own or someone else's." Now that one is mine, at least I've never heard it before 5 minutes ago when I thought of it and felt I had to type this blog post before work.

A perfect example is my friend D. He is one of Spawn's Godfathers. Now he has no kids of his own, but D has that never ending patience with those under the age of "damn you're stupid" that makes him just amazing. I've already spoken about my roomie P and my friend M both of whom are amazing dads. P has a way with Spawn sometimes that can get through to her when I can't, I tell him it's because he's not her parent but it's just because he has that dad thing going and she doesn't really have that with her own so she does respond to the strong ones around her. M is just the Pied Piper when it comes to kids, I'm always in awe of him for that.

Children can bring out the best and the worst in us. I am always amazed at how Spawn can push every single button I have 50 times over then push them all again with in an hour. Then be a complete angel. But I guess that is just kids. Even with everything going on and all the worry and the stress I still wouldn't trade her for anything. I guess that is the mark of a true parent, no matter how bad it gets and how stressed you are and all the hell the ex puts you through, if given the chance to do it again, you would.

Spawn was, is and always will be the best and only good thing that came out of the relationship Vader and I had. And given the choice, for her, I would do it again.

Monday, June 28, 2010

The things that we wish we could say

Moosmommy has a wonderful post that details exactly what I feel about work right now.

Go check her out.

The State of Florida doesn't play

So I don't know how many of you out there in blog land that actually read my blog have to deal with child support. Let me tell you that it's a complete bitch. There is no other term for it. The entire process once I got off my butt and stopped being nice took months (like from Aug to April) I mean really, we had a private agreement, all he had to do was stick to it but for some reason this was harder after he married the person he left me for, 5 years later.

Yes that is correct folks, Vader left while I was pregnant with Spawn and eventually married that person. Now that part is okay, it's not like he and I would have stayed together anyway. I'm glad that he found love and is reasonably happy with his relationship. He came to me when he got engaged and told me that he hadn't done it sooner because he was afraid I would stop him from seeing Spawn. I hadn't realized I had that kind of power in his life but okay. Within 6 months after his wedding, he took care of it himself. He stopped taking her on his weekends "because of work" since he was going to be out of town a lot. We haven't seen much of him since and right now I have no clue where he is.

Back to the child support, right before his wedding the problems paying started. I got the wedding excuse. That he would get caught up. Now it's not like I was getting a massive amount of money each month. It was barely enough to pay a couple weeks of daycare. Well I gave him a chance. When he got about 4 grand behind I had enough and put it through the State.

For that I got cursed out and Spawn and I didn't hear from him for 4 months (at that time she hadn't seen him for 3) So flash forward, we went to court in April, he was supposed to start paying in May and to my surprise he did. I was shocked and thought maybe this would be a turn around. Spawn has high dollar needs like therapy and such, the money would have come in handy. Alas, that one payment was all we have seen so far. I checked with the State, they have sent him the notice of "Hey, we need to know where you work." which is odd since he said in court he had a job. Then the notice of "Hey your late." that was almost a month ago. I found out on the 17th that they sent the "You have 20 days to get caught up or we suspend your DL." He has about 10 days left on that and I couldn't even tell you what state he was in to warn him. Spawn tested him on Father's Day and there is still no answer.

Now, if you ask Vader, he'll tell you that he has no money, that he's doing the best he can, that I'm only after the money. Well yeah, that's all he's good for anymore. He doesn't give anything to me except a headache and  part of the issues that Spawn is having can be traced back to him and his inconsistence in her life.

The only reason it hurts me anymore it because it hurts Spawn. When she tells me that she doesn't want to call him because he's mean it makes my heart break a little more. But we'll get through it. And I'm hoping that he does the right thing....or face the consequences.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

When people say "I'll be there."

It's amazing you know. People say all the time "I'll be there for you." They have every intention of really being there but sometimes your life is just a little too intense or a little too crazy or they have their own stuff and they can't handle yours too. I have that going on right now.

I have a situation. One that I just don't know what to do with. Concerning my spawn. I know that other mom's that I read have similar issues with their children and working where I do I am no stranger to the hard decisions that parents have to make when it comes to the care of their children. I never EVER thought that I would end up in the position to have to make the decision about my own. Due to her behavior I now have to decide what the best course of treatment is. To continue with out patient and medication therapy or to make the move to a inpatient setting. As I watch the situation get worse I know that there is really no choice. When it comes to what is best for Spawn I know what has to be done, the question is when.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

Wow, another Father's Day. First let me start by sending a wish up to my Dad. He could be a complete jerk and we didn't see eye to eye hardly ever from the time I became a teenager until my daughter was born, but he was an amazing Grandpa. Some of the best memories I have of him now are with Spawn.

Speaking of my Spawn, wow what a day today was. She did not want to speak to Vader so we texted him. He couldn't be bothered to answer I guess. When I asked her why she didn't want to call him all she would say is that she didn't want to talk to him because he's mean. Since I can count on one hand the number of times she's seen him this year I didn't push her to call him, she was off the chain enough today without the extra drama of talking to him.

If I didn't have examples of good fathers around me I would be hard pressed to believe they exist. Lucky for me and for Spawn we have some awesome examples. Spawn decided to acknowledge 3 people today for Father's Day, Vader (because she felt she had to), My roomie P because well it's Uncle P and my friend M who like me is a single parent. The last one surprised me but I guess it shouldn't, he's one of those parents. So is P for that matter. They both remind me of that Will Smith line in Men in Black when he puts on the suit and the shades and says "I make this look good." That's both of them. They make it look easy. Now in reality I know it's not easy for either of them and I'm glad to count them among my friends for both mine and Spawn's sake.

So now the day is at a close, and tomorrow is a new day. The start of a new week, hopefully a better one. We have dance and therapy and we'll see what happens. Hopefully not a melt down at therapy again since we have dance after. All I can do now is hope.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

"INCONCEIVABLE....You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride had a whole host of amazing quotes, the one above is just one of them. One of my favorites actually. I think that it fits with everything that has been going on since last week.  We changed Spawn's meds. She is now officially off of the morning med and so far it seems to have made a difference. She hasn't told me that she hates me in about 4 days.

We're still waiting on the psych eval to come back so we can even find out what the new recommendations are. Right now I have her only on one med and she started dance yesterday so that is occupying her mind. She's being wanting to take dance lessons for years so now that we finally can it's starting out to be a good thing.

So to the title of the blog, that one came to mind today because of some things that are going on with my life right now. Things I thought that I wouldn't have to go through, things I never dreamed that I would be facing. I'm not handling them very well.  Luckily I've had some very good friends help me along the way, they know who they are. I'm afraid I may not have been handling them very well either. For that I can only say I'm sorry and thank you. I will try to do better with both them and myself. Sooner or later this will pass and everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

"A gamester, the greater master he is in his art, the worse man he is." ~Francis Bacon

This quote spoke volumes to me. I was at Universal last weekend with a friend and her daughter and Spawn. I've mentioned that the issues that Spawn is experiencing have increased. So much so that we had to go for a second opinion with a psych this week. I digress however from what I am trying to say.  My friend is also a single parent and her daughter was talking about spending time with her dad. Spawn cycled into her angry place because she doesn't get to see her dad. It made me sad to realize what he is doing to her with his in and out pattern in her life.

I really have to sit back and wonder if many of the issues that she and I are going through right now and fighting to over come have to do with his being in and out and inconsistent so much.

Being a parent is hard, being a single parent is much harder. There is no one to turn to for the tough decisions, no one to help with the discipline, no one to slump next to at the end of a hard day and ask "What in the hell was that?" Thank God for my friends, they keep me sane.

As of today, we haven't see or heard from Vader in over a month again. Last year we went from Aug to Dec without hearing from him and I think we only heard from him at the beginning of this year because of the child support hearing. 

I guess we'll see what happens and we'll manage the best that we can.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


So I was reading Essie's blog The Accidental Mommy (I love her blog) and she has been doing the Too True Tues for what seems to be a little while and it seemed like fun so I thought I'd give it a try. So this week I'm told the topic is Your Shameful Procrastinations (There really should be some kind of announcer voice with an echo on that)

I would have to say that my homework is the number one thing that I procrastinate on. Being in Grad School, working full time and being a single parent doesn't leave for much spare time, I know when my due dates are and I always wait until the last minute. No matter how I try to get it done early. I would rather do anything thing else to the point I even have joined the Facebook group "I was trying to do homework but ended up playing on Facebook"

Then there is the laundry, my closet that I have been meaning to sort out and get rid of things, my desk at home that I need to finish cleaning off and filing the things on it. Several other things I can't really remember right now....The list goes on. After working I would rather just chill and hang in my pool with my Spawn and my roomies. 

There never seems to be enough time in the day for all the things that I have to get done so I pick and choose and whatever is left I leave till the next day...it's always still there. I try to always make sure to have enough time to get hugs at the end of the day, or say hi to my favorite people, or watch NCIS with my roomie K (sometimes you just gotta have a little dose of Gibbs)  

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Random Thoughts

"I want to ask "why" but there are no answers, I tried asking "what" but I couldn't find the right questions, I'm left with asking "how" and am hopeful that someone can help show me the way." JLF
I was feeling rather lost today when I wrote that. It started out as a profound thought that became my Facebook status, than I decided that I needed to blog about it. I was thinking about one of my friends, who like me is going through a time right now. Granted he doesn't have the same type of issues that I have with Spawn but when looking at our two situations side by side it's hard to tell which is worse, I actually think that they are about even in some parts. I listen, I try to lend my support, it breaks my heart that I can't do more to help him. I sometimes wonder if he realizes how amazing he really is as a dad, a person and a friend...thinking about that and him, I'm sure he does, I tell him often enough. It takes a special type of person to be a dad, and an even more special one to be a single dad, especially one that pulls it all off and manages to make it look easy. He always amazes me on so many levels and I am so glad that he is in my life.

So tomorrow I go to meet Spawn's dance teacher and see how much stuff I have to buy her for 4 weeks of class. Hopefully I will also get the fall prices so I can see how I'm going to afford this if this works. eh Summer sucks. Daycare rises and so do other expenses but the money coming in is the same. Oh course Vader is no where to be found and we don't want to find him either. As long as he sends what he needs to send to the State so they can send it to me I'm all good. I'll be able to afford Spawn's dance classes that way, and her therapy and meds without killing myself.

Speaking of therapy, we're going to try that again next week, hopefully she will not throw her shoes and the couch cushions at her therapist this time. As I always say, things will turn out like they are supposed to.

Till next time...