For anyone that knows me personally, they know that theater and music is a big part of my life. (Which is why Indy was walking around singing Yellow Submarine and thanks to YouTube and whoever made the Lego version I was able to share it with a 4 yr old) I've also tried to inflict it upon Spawn and so far it's worked which is why she sings Mama-Mia with me, knows the music from Phantom of the Opera and can tell you the Wicked Witch of the West's name is really Elphaba and that she and Glinda were really friends.
We (Spawn and I) were adding music to her iPod today (yes the pink one that I steal most of the time) and she had asked for the usual requests, a song by Katy Perry (the one with Timeberland), something by Ke$ha (the radio edit) and show tunes.......I thought since that part of the day had gone well that maybe the rest of our day would be okay. (le sigh) I should know better. Since she was up at 645 that might have been a problem and it was.
True test of a overworked mother's patience is to ask a resistant child to clean their room. We (my roomies and I) are getting ready for one of our annual events on Monday and well we have commenced with the house cleaning. This has just happened to coincide this year with the massive "Get rid of stuff we don't want/need" project that we have started so things are sailing out of the house at a great rate, Good for us we think. I'm sure that it's not going as fast as hoped but you know, these things didn't happen over night and they don't get fixed over night. Couple this with the ongoing issues with my mom, the semester group project from hell and stress about my financial aid for next year and I'm already on edge. Then add Spawn and the normal rounds of "I hate you, you're mean, why are you making me do this, and my personal fave This is not fair that I have to do all this by myself." and this is just over folding her cloths and picking up the things all over the floor in her room. Things she put there. Oy...
Perhaps we are going to start better tomorrow. I can hope, she still has things to clean in her room and I intend to make her finish folding her clothes. Since this week has been nothing but making it from one rage to the next and wondering what is going to be the next trigger to set her off I guess that we will see,
I know that I am tired, hearing that I'm mean and that she hates me every day is wearing me down. I know she doesn't mean it but it still hurts. I'm grateful for the support of my friends and their willingness to help me try anything to reach my child. Whatever she is holding inside is preventing her from being able to control her actions like she should and she is refusing to talk about it or let go of it. I don't know if she can't or won't I don't know, but I have a feeling that it (whatever it is) is at the root of the major issues she is having right now. My only prayer is that we get her to respond to something enough to let us figure it out in time to stop anymore permanent damage.