Saturday, May 8, 2010

I don't want to be anybody other then what I've been trying to be lately...

I haven't written in a while...I could give all the normal excuses, that I was busy, that school was taking all of my time, that being a single mom has been so demanding that it has left me no time and all of that would be very true. But that isn't why I haven't written. The cold, hard truth of the matter was that I was scared of having to actually face what was bothering me and needed to come out.

I started this blog as a way to purge my feelings and emotions about a very devastating breakup that shook my foundation. Now almost a year and a half later I've finally realized what I was supposed to learn from that and why I had to go through it the way I did. There were things about it I regret, things that were said that I wish like hell I could take back, a friendship that changed me in ways to numerous to count and the loss of which I still morn. I can look back on the good times now fondly and see the bad times without the haze of crushing pain. I can, most importantly, as I found today, appreciate the things that I have found that never existed in that relationship.

Just to be clear, I'm not speaking in the romantic term, although I hope that one day I am fortunate enough to explore that aspect as well. I am speaking about the basis of a solid friendship, one that is build on mutual respect and support for one another. As I've said before, friendship is not a spectator sport, you get out of it what you put into it. This time I actually am getting out of it what I am putting into it. We're both getting what we need right now, support and friendship. It's nice to know that someone is there when you need them, after you have been there for them. I can't explain why this one is different from my other friendships but it is.  I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason" and I always say that things will turn out like they are supposed to. I think after some of the things that have happened this week I'm starting so see what the reason is, at least this part of the reason.

1 comment:

  1. Very wise and honest - as always. I hope things continue to grow and strength between the two of you. In the end, you'll have earned something wonderful.

    Love you always!

    PS - Happy Mother's Day to one of the best moms I know!