Sunday, July 4, 2010

Sometimes it just doesn't work no mater how hard you try

Family is a strange thing. You have the family you are born with and the one you pick up along the way. If you're really lucky you're close to both. People who have siblings that they don't get along with will understand this. I have/had a sister, who is 12 years younger then I am. She has some issues (like she's BiPolar and decided that she isn't and doesn't need meds for it so she won't take them) she has a complex that whatever has been done to her, no matter how long ago, regardless of the circumstances, should be help against you life. Oh, and she hates my daughter and treats her like shit.

She also doesn't understand why I don't think any of these things are acceptable. She comes to my house not to be included in activity but to just  be there and speak down to people in a condescending tone. If you ask a question nothing is ever good enough or meets her standards. If my daughter tries to engage her Aunt in conversation about a mutually shared interest (they play the same video games) she snaps at her and makes Spawn feel like crap for even asking a question. I've kicked her out of my house several times over the past few years and have always tried again for my mom's sake, the burden always laying with me, my sister refusing to meet me half way.

Yesterday, things snapped. We had been keeping our distance. But I invited my mom over and she asked to bring her. My only request was that she be polite, apparently that was too much. It ended as it always does, only so much worse. I threw her out of the house, told her she didn't have a sister any more and told my mom not to bring her back.

Here's the kicker, Mom wasn't supposed to bring her yesterday to begin with. But my 21 year old sister didn't want to stay home by herself.

This split has been a long time coming. Now that it's finally here I'm sad. Spawn can no longer go to her grandma's house because of it. I don't know if I get to spend anymore holiday's with my mom. I am more grateful then ever for my extended family (my best friends) and my sister, well she will tell herself and the rest of our family that this was my fault and I guess I'll just have to take responsibility for it because she won't take her part.


  1. OMGoodness... that... must have been beyond stressful... I can't even imagine.... although there have been many occassions where my sis and I have not seen eye to eye... its never gotten to that point. We've always reconnected and moved forward. But I really do understand the whole splitting up of family bit.. Since my ex and I split up he spends quite a bit of time over at my sis bro in law... and since he has my daughter on the weekends.. they hang with 'my' family on their days off (I on the other hand.... work MAO all weekend so I can be with my LO during the week)... I know that sounds kinda childish....or sounds like I am begrudging him for getting to spend time with 'my' family... But Holidays..... are the worst... and is when I probablly feel the division the most.... I know this is no comparison to your situation.... I guess I just identified with the whole idea of division.... its all around yuck! I hope your sister figures out what she's doing one day....bipolar is not an excuse.... but her not taking meds for it only makes it a gajillion times worse... hugs to you...

  2. I gotta tell you honey, I think that is the best description I've heard yet for it "all around yuck" It just fits.

    As for my sister, we've tried to work with her, reason with her, no end. I'm sure that it will be okay one day...things always work out the way they are supposed to.

    And no you don't sound childish or begrudging, you sound like you are stuck in a situation not of your choosing and trying to make the best of it.