Back in a Snow Globe

So I haven't been posting much lately. It's not because there isn't much going on but because I am so far into burnout that I just can't put my thoughts into words. I'm having trouble focusing on things at work, the things I have to do for school, hell I have trouble going to the store with a list.

I keep telling myself that there is only a set number of weeks left, 13 at the time of this post, until I complete my MBA. I'm so burnt out that I can't even be happy about it. I have so many people telling me how proud I should be of myself, how hard it must have been to accomplish what I have and of course my personal favorite "I don't know how you do all that you do."  Well I don't either, I don't think about it most of the time because if I do then I will get depressed.

I feel at times like my life is a snow globe and just for giggles some one shakes it up to see what would happen. I can tell that I'm fighting to make it through... (le sigh)

Work is crazy as hell normal but busy as we try to improve things by going electronic. Why we thought this was better I don't know. But there it is. Oh well, on to the next week. My baby turns 9 this week, on Thurs. Can't wait. till then.

A New Year, A New Hope...

So we made it through the holidays!!!! YAY!!!! There were only minor incidents with family, Spawn did not have any major melt downs and we even got her room cleaned.

Amazing I know.

I found out on Christmas Eve that the Empire was dissolving. Apparently there is a divorce happening. This information gave me no joy. It's strange, I have such mixed feelings for Vader. Part of me wants to be able to get along for Spawn's sake. To "see the good still in him" the other part can't stand the person that he is around me and the person I become around him. I feel bad, after all he was once a person I was in love with.

He asked to see spawn. I asked her and got a rather negative reaction which we will be discussing with her therapist today. So she didn't see him but I had to pick up her stuff from him. It's always a shock since we go so long between seeing each other. Every now and then I see the person that I knew, the one that attracted me to him in the first place. Just enough of a flash to keep that damn hope anywhere near alive. Maybe he really will make massive changes in his life. Maybe...As long as whatever he does is consistent I don't care. It's either in or out, Spawn can't take the yo-yo thing and I can't let it happen.

So here we go, onward to a new year, with new possibilities. Starting Jan 10 I have 16 weeks left of school then I will have the MBA. YAY!!! I can't wait.

Well till later...

Two Days till Christmas

Or two sleeps till Christmas as my girl Moos Mamma say. I like how she puts it. Makes it sound more...I don't know exactly, just better. Right now, I'm on VACATION!!! Vacation from work and a break from school, YAY!! I so needed this time. Spawn and I are going to spend all next week together.

There hasn't been too much going on. Things with DiNozzo are amazing. He and Spawn get along and that is awesome. Things are fairly quite from the Empire, aside from not paying his child support. I guess because Spawn won't talk to him when he bother's to call he feels that he shouldn't obey a court order. Here's hoping that changes soon.

So here we are racing toward Christmas, all the cookies are baked, all the presents are almost bought and despite everything it's going to be an amazing Christmas. I get to spend it with my closest friends and family, my spawn and my sweetie.

What happened to Nov

Okay so as mentioned in the previous post, I did type a post in Nov and I really did think that I posted it. Um, yeah well that was about the time that all hell broke loose in mine and spawn's life so (shrugs) things happen.

Sometimes we look at things we go through and situations we're in and we mentally divorce ourselves from them. We're there but not really there. I had one of those hell bent, OMFG please tell me this is not happening in my life moments last month. As many of you that read this blog, and many of you that I read as well, know dealing with what we deal with on a daily basis with our children that have mental illness is in a word difficult. There is always the constant struggle to make sure that they are receiving the right services, the right care, the right everything. The keeping of ones temper when they are suddenly in a manic phase, the temper tantrums, the struggling to parent and get through to them when it seems like you can't reach them at all.

And I play both mom and dad. Thank god for my friends and my roomies that are wonderfully supportive, my boyfriend too. Coming into a situation like this is never easy, hell dating as a single parent is hard enough, when you add all this on top of it it's damn near impossible. But I digress, Okay here goes, Spawn had a bad med reaction and her first hospitalization, she was inpatient for almost a week. I think the hardest thing for me to come to grips with besides the fact that it was needed, was I work there.  Her meds are more stable now and while things are not perfect, they are at least better.

As I mentioned in previous posts, I had to go to court last month as well due to Vader not paying his child support. Well to make a long story short, he didn't show up, reported that he lived and worked in the state and then requested a phone conference for the hearing because of working out of state. The hearing officer was less then pleased. So if he gets caught doing anything then he will be arrested and there is a $1000 purge or 60 days in jail. He's called a few times however I am still under advisement from her therapist not to respond due to her reaction the last time and the fact that she gets angry every time he's mentioned. I offer her the chance to return his call. So far she hasn't taken it. I'm sure you're wondering why I just don't try to talk to him about all this. Well, he doesn't think I'm worth talking to, so I don't think he's worth picking up the phone for.

In other news, the show I was in went wonderfully. B and I are still doing good, it will be two months soon. I'm enjoying it and I believe he is too. He is greatly supportive and I needed that right now. Work is still insane, but well, that is to be expected.

So in the mean time, I'm going to keep hoping that Spawn's meds work, hope that Vader pays even a little of the support, hell I'd take just enough to pay for her dance lessons for a month, or even a week of day care. Something, anything to help. Between the meds, the dr's and the therapy co-pays I am getting eaten alive. According to the court order he's supposed to pay half of the co-pays for any visits. I haven't even bothered to ask since he won't pay anything toward the monthly that is due, I know  he wouldn't pay anything toward those.

Well onward to the holidays and I will not go so long in between posts.

Hell Week and everything that went with it....

Note: this post is way late due to complications in the month of Nov. I thought I hit post and didn't, so here is the post that should have happened on Nov 13.

So this week has been hell week. Basically what that means is that the show I'm in, Over the River and Through the Woods opened last night. So we've been running tech all week and wow...boy do I mean wow...anyone who has done community theater knows what I mean by that.

In other news, also this week I had a total of 3 external audits at work with one to get ready for and a holiday in the middle of the week for Veteran's Day (which also happens to be my birthday and dress rehearsal for our show) I'm not really sure I could have packed more into one week.

I've been under so much stress lately. With school, work, the show, continuing issues with Harmony...one of the few things that is going well right now is my relationship with DiNozzo. During the run of the show, actually in two days we'll make one month. I'm so proud of us. Well more as it happens.

So it's the end of the week...

So here we are...Friday....Oh Praise the Flying Spaghetti Monster and all his noodlely appendages. I so needed Friday to happen...Just the idea of Friday is a great comfort to me.

So this week has been less then thrilling in a good way. The BF (whom I {with help}have decided reminds me of DiNozzo from NCIS and henceforth shall be named so) will hopefully be sprung from the place of medical entrapment tomorrow.  That will be one less thing to worry about. I dislike it when people I care about are ill. It bothers me.

So in other news, tonight I get to see my boys from NY. M has been on of my close friends for, oh hell I can't even remember how long. We met a million years ago when he worked at the bowling alley and I bowled in a league every Friday night. His second or so night, he was stuck with the league I was on (which was a tough league to deal with) so we met and became friends. He's getting married to his BF, R, in June which I will be making a journey north for. For old times sake, we're going bowling tonight. Should be fun. Who knows...but time with them is always fun.

Tomorrow night, a Halloween party....we'll see what trouble I can not get into then.

Till then, Ciao Luvs

Well..um...

Okay so I'm not sure what in the name of Zen happened. I think my life blew up....

There are problems with Spawn at school....every day I get a call to the school. It's so bad that the front office staff and I have a running joke about how long it's going to take me to leave my job and go to work there. None of the doctors can figure out what is really going on with her. I really hope that one day I can look back on this time and just be glad that we got through it.

We go back to court on Nov 17th for the child support. Vader is in contempt since he hasn't paid in 4 months and hasn't been in contact with them.

Things are going well with the new BF...I haven't figured out a name for him on here yet...I'm open to suggestions though as I do need to refer to him as something. He's been in the hospital this week. What a way to start a new relationship, "here go through a major illness with me and see if you can handle it" Got to love those unexpected things. But I'm crazy about him so, we'll see.

Other then that, work is crazy (see blog name for my take on that) and school is, well, I finished a semester and started a new one. Not including the semester I am in, I have two more classes. I'm almost there finally!!!!! I am 8 weeks till Christmas break and damn do I need it, I'm in the 3rd semester of a 3 semester haul....those are hard with a full time job and kid.

Well off to work with me, thanks for reading all. It means more to me then you'll ever know.