Monday, October 5, 2009

Things that make you go hmmm.......

Okay so as I detailed somewhat in a recent post, I broke. Since then I have gotten the gorilla glue out (It's better then super glue boys and girls) and started putting myself back together.

I used to like myself. I'm not sure I like where I am with myself right now but for the most part I suppose that I'm okay. My friends think I'm awesome. I think that they are biased and no I don't pay them but perhaps I should. Number 5467 on my "When I win the lotto list" is: Pay my friends for thinking I'm awesome. Kidding but seriously, my friends do think that I'm all these things that I just don't see. I guess it gets lost some where in just being me.

I'm spending alot of time just trying to maintain. Not really do anything more then that. I know right now that I'm really not going to be happy so I'm trying to just be okay. Does that even make sense? Everyone is running around trying to run in the race called life and it moves so fast. But what do we really do? Is anyone really happy or are they merely content with the way things are? What is happy? Trying to answer that question is almost as puzzling to me as trying to figure out why in the hell someone swears that they are done with something, say a group of people, yet that is what they blog about. It makes no sense to me. I guess it just gets chalked up to human nature. 

Human nature.......the thing that brings people together, that drives people apart. The words bring to mind the best and the worst that people have to offer. It's what makes people go on-line and become who they are not when away from the screen and keyboard. It's what allows for survival of the fittest or the luckiest whichever it happens to be. It allows for the little quirks that make us who we are. The things that make us individuals. I'm trying to reconnect with mine. Trying to refind what makes me, well, me. If anyone knows where I have disappeared to, then please let me know or send me back home, I really am looking for myself.

Until I really rediscover myself again I just run along my little path, kind of like a hamster in a wheel. And try to remember what it was like to be me before, when I was whole. Till then I'm a work in progress, but aren't we all?

When you look what do you see? Look into my eyes, can you really see me?
Is there anything left of this soul to be the person that I was meant to be? 
The heart shattered, the soul torn to shreds, hollow eyes gaze upon life with nothing but dread. 
Waiting for the light to show me the way, not realizing that it is my journey to stay.
Not to run but to repair, the heart, the soul that lay shredded there. 
Only then can you really see, when you look in my eyes you will see me. JLF


  1. Love you, honey. Your friends don't think you're awesome, btw, we KNOW you're awesome.

    And it's impossible to be happy all the time. It's these tough times which make us appreciate the better times.

    Being "okay" is a good thing to strive for in the meantime.

    Love you! (I know I said that already but it's double-true!)

  2. You are awesome. It's ok to break sometimes, the important thing is that you're ready to put yourself back together.


  3. Sweetie, I just now caught up with your blog. I'm sorry you're going through some difficult times AND you ARE awesome.

    Everyone goes through these ups and downs. I<3 you.


  4. No question about it. You are an amazing, warm, supportive, wonderful person and a very dear friend.

    I love you!

  5. Your blog is a pain in the ass!

    Your gonna be fine girl, we all support you, but your blog wont let me cut and paste or even do a speilll check. Lame, but you rock girl! Dont worry you will be fine and I am always availiable for guided boat tours.


  6. Sorry about that RACE luv, I don't really know why it's doing that.

    But thanks!! I think you all rock too and I appreciate the support