The Evil that Men Do....

Here we are at Sept 11 again. There was a time when this date meant nothing to the country, to the world. It was not a symbol. At best in my little corner of the Universe it was one of my friend's birthday. In 2001 someone made the decision that needed to change and like several other dates before it, Sept 11 is now burned into our minds.

When the towers fell so did more then just two buildings. For those of us that were watchings, that remember, will never forget what we were doing. I've often heard of people talk of when JFK was shot and what they were doing when they heard the news when he died or when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. I was only a child but I still remember being home sick from school and watching the launch on TV and seeing the shuttle blow up.

Sept 11, 2001 was completely normal. I was heading out to audit at one of our facilities in another city. During the 45 min drive I was listening to the local morning show banter when it changed. One of the hosts went silent, then started talking about "it looked like something out of a movie, but it was real" I had missed exactly what they were talking about. It wasn't until I got to my destination that I found out exactly what I had been listening to. Then it really hit me, one of my best friends had called me from the City the day before and said something about WTC, there was no getting through on the phones though. Later when the second tower fell I called my then boyfriend Vader to tell him what was happening, He had worked the night shift the day before and was sleeping most of the day. Because I was pregnant with Spawn at the time we sat there when I got home from work and watched the news footage. I recall asking him what kind of world we were bringing our child into.

Now all these years later, I'm still not sure

3rd Grade and other updates

Oh wow, time is flying again. I didn't realize that it had been so long since I had posted. Gosh where do I start.

Um, I'll start with me: I passed my class from hell class that I was having so much trouble with and have started the next semester. I've also applied for graduation. I just have to pass all of my classes between now and May and I'm home free. Work has been crazy, but then that is to be expected. We have about a month to the go live date of our billing consul. I'm not sure we're going to make it but we're trying like hell to.

I've been going through some other things, big things. One of my friends offered this prayer "Balsamic Moon banish all of who and what does not belong to accomodate who and what needs to stay" It says so much about where I am right now and how I feel. I've said before that friendship is not a spectator sport. Since football season has started I'll use a sports analogy, either get your ass in the game and play or I'll trade you to another team. I don't have time for people that just want to sit on the bench or pull me into their game but not play defense for me in mine.

Okay Spawn update: We met her teachers the week before school. School started on Aug 23. I was hopeful that this year was going to start out well. Friday I had to meet with her teachers, counselors and the assistant principle to work on a behavioral plan to deal with the potty issue. So far the behavior part is going well but now that I've said that...eh you know how it goes. We went to the medical doctor on Friday too. It's odd that I have to qualify that but as most of you that read this blog know, we have many different kinds of doctors. They have now done many tests searching still for the cause of the pooping. Blood tests, allergy tests, UA's and testing the poop even. Friday was an eventful day, but we should have the results back sometime this week. Along with the first week of school she also started dance lessons, that seems to be the only place she's doing well in. I hope that it keeps up that way.

Vader update: He's a wonderful 3 months behind and I just found out this past week that my insurance is going up $50/payperiod which equals $100/month. wonderful huh.

Well that is the update for now, I'm going to try to keep updated a little more. Ciao for now.

Random update

Wow I looked up and realized that it's been a couple of weeks since I posted. Time got away from me again. Here we are in the middle of Aug. Where in the hell has over half of the year gone? Spawn starts school in a week, she should be starting dance classes too. I expect that I will be receiving my schedule for that this week some time. We go to meet her new teacher on Thurs. and I get to go through the explaining all over again as to what the issues are and what needs to be done about them. Same school, new grade....I want to just direct them to the last year's teacher and tell them that she can explain it but (le sigh) I will do my mom thing. I think we'll bring it up with the therapist on Tues.

I have two weeks left in the class from hell. I'm still failing ever test, I get the assignments but when it comes to the tests I just get lost. It's the damn word problems. I just get confused by them. I wish they would give us the information in a real world format. It seems like school never really does that. Well in two weeks we're on to the next one.

I'll update on Thurs after we meet the new teacher. 3rd grade here we come.

"Revenge, at first though sweet, Bitter ere long back on itself recoils." ~John Milton

School starts for Spawn in about a month. Scary that time has gone by so quickly. At the beginning of next week Vader would have been a amazing 3 month's behind on the new order (it's due on the 1st). However, he maned up and sent 1(one) month of support. My only thought on that was "Well it didn't take long now did it?"  They (the State) are in process of suspending his drivers licence, oh joy! That was supposed to take place this month and I am assuming that is the reason that I received any money at all. I wonder if he thinks he's okay now, I mean he still is two months behind and I wonder what happens when he doesn't pay again.

Vader happened to make one of his rare phone calls the day the check arrived as well. He made the order request that I am to force ask Spawn to tell him herself that she doesn't want to talk to him. Oh and he has nothing to say to me because I am not worth talking to. He wonders why I don't go out of my way to try to talk to him. He thinks that if he acts like a complete azzhat tries to convince me that I am the problem that I will want to talk to him.

Not sure he's ever going to learn...I did tell him that I was not going to force Spawn to talk to him and that he needed to okay his plans with me FIRST, not tell Spawn about them first and inform me of them after. It's a respect thing, he has none for me and I have none for him because he has none for me. My favorite comment of the entire call was "Well I was in Fl the last time I called and was going to try to see her but she didn't want to talk to me." Of course he never said anything to me about being in town or that being his intention so I could have tried to help him out with seeing her.

I'm sure that I'm going to have many more conversations like this. It just makes me appreciate my friends that are amazing dad's even more. (Le Sigh) I know they are ex's for a reason but damn this is one of those times where I am looking at it and asking myself "WTF was I thinking?" If it wasn't for Spawn, there would be nothing good out of knowing him.

MBA Update

When last I wrote I was in serious distress. I was failing my class. That sort of thing does not come easy to me. In fact, it's never happened before. Usually I say that there is a first time for everything, but not this time. I don't have the ability or the luxury  to allow for this to be the first time.

With so much riding on this, I emailed my teacher. Hoping, praying, almost begging that there was something that could be done to keep me from failing. She gave me a few suggestions, reminded me that I had several assignments that were not graded yet and thought that I would do okay if I was able to get the assignments in on time (I was late on two in the last couple of weeks)

So as of right now I'm not failing. I am going to press on through the next 4 weeks and get this class over with and hope for a C at least. Thanks to everyone for the positive thoughts.

To MBA or to not MBA, that seems to be the question

I currently have the crazy ass schedule of working full time, being a single mom without the every other weekend clause and going to school full time working on my MBA. Yes folks, you read that right, there is NO break in Jay-Lee's life. Once upon a time (all fairy tales start that way) I did have the every other weekend deal, but I think I lost that somewhere while I was working on my BA. Eh, Sith Lords, what can you do with them, right?

Back to the school thing, lately I have been having the most humbling experience of (gasp) failing. This is a completely new concept for me. Not that I haven't failed at things before, because I have....PLENTY. But those were usually relationship based. School, not so much. Right now I'm wondering if I should be doing this. I want to drop out. Here I am, 6 classes from finishing and I want to stop. Sounds crazy....well maybe I am.

I know I'm tired. I broke down the other night when I was up at 0130 and still not done with the homework I had been struggling with since 1600 that afternoon. I just don't know if I have another 6 classes left in me with everything else going on.

Right now I'm crossing my fingers that I don't fail this week's test too. If I do I'm going to have to drop the class, a first for me. It will mess up a great many things including graduation. I've never not been able to pull the rabbit out of my hat, this time I think the rabbit has run away...I guess we'll see what happens.

When you have to say goodbye...

I work in the middle of a downtown. It's not a big downtown but it is a historic one. We're in the middle of the middle of Florida, if that makes any sense, close to the Mouse and his castle, near Mr Potter and is world of wizards, close enough to the world's most famous beach to go and far enough away that when the race fans, the bikers and the spring breakers roll in we don't have to be in the middle of it unless we want to.

Our downtown is like any other small town, there are a few shops, a cafe or two, a hair salon or three. Even a dive shop. Those of us that call it home 40+ hours a week have our favorite places. You all know the ones, where you can walk in not have to order because they know what you want.

Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to mine because they have to close their doors. No longer will my daily half and half tea be just across the street. For the last 3 years, I was able to call up and say "Hey, it's Jay-Lee, I'll have the usual and a half and half." and it would be ready by the time I walked over.

I'm going to miss them greatly...there will always be other places to get tea, there will never be another place like that though. They took the time to know their regular people, to know what was going on and share a piece of themselves. We're still hoping that someone might buy the place and keep the staff on, I love the owners and hate to see them leave. Our downtown won't be the same without them.