Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"The best revenge is a life well lived"

The actual quote by George Herbert is "Living well is the best revenge" but either way you get the general idea. I think that this is something important to remember since we just finished with the holiday season. It was said recently by my roomie K to a situation that was just pissing all of us off making us think not nice things during the season that we should only think nice things about others and it struck a cord with me.

As I said in a recent last post, I am having seething rage from hell "anger" issues regarding certain issues involving my ex, his lack of involvement in Spawn's life and his tendency to want to just ride in and "be a part of things" and a make decisions, all while not contributing to her care or upkeep. Sure he can just put up a few posts on Facebook and some old pictures and what...all of a sudden he gets the "Awesome Dad of the Year Award"?  So now, he's moved back...I think I mentioned that in my last post. He got made at me last week because Spawn has been refusing to talk to him and I haven't been picking up the phone. I only talk to him when I have something to say and right now I don't have anything to say. He's not helping with the expenses and that would really be all I have to say to him is when is he going to pay something more then $20...

I recently posted some pictures on my Facebook...I know, it's a big deal. Several of them however were of myself, Spawn and my sweetie. I think that bothered my ex. But I mean really, Spawn was in his wedding 4 years ago and in is wedding pictures. That didn't bother me. I would get Christmas card from him and his now soon to be ex wife before they were married signed "Merry Christmas from Ex, Ex's Girlfriend and Spawn" and still I said nothing. But let me put up a picture of myself, my sweetie and spawn and he thinks about taking down his Facebook.

Now really, I'm just venting. That's what my blog is here for. To get this all out, believe me, my journal...well both of them have pages of this, trying to direct my anger...this seething anger that I have because he thinks that we need to be happy he's finally graced us with his company once again. But I realized something. Overall, I'm happy. I'm in therapy to deal with the anger but when I don't think about it, I'm happy. So while I may be dealing with my unresolved rage at his actions, I'm the one that Spawn wants to go see things like Beauty and the Beast in 3D with and it's my sweetie that she asks for when we talk about going places.

At the end of the day, this is my life...for the most part, I really like it. The parts I don't...believe me...they will be changing. Because one of the things that I have learned over the last 10 years is that if you don't like where you are and what's going on in your life then do something about it. Oh and another thing I've learned is only you can determine your reaction to things. I am going to try to choose not to react. I'll let you know how that works. 

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