I'm still here....

Okay, so the jist of the last almost year is this...

In February right before H's birthday I was hit by a truck. This is not a metaphor for anything, I think it was a Silveradro (or however you spell it) actually or maybe a F150 but it was a truck. The little dude that was driving said truck at 600 pm one fine Florida evening was, well he was drunk. Guess that's why he ran into me. So my whole "let's blog more often in the coming year" promise to myself that I made went the way of my left collar bone..broken.

Also in this time frame of being broke and battered by a truck (I know it's an often used phrase but until you've really been hit by a truck you have no idea and should really stop saying it, just sayin) I moved. Yes, after a 10 year relationship with my awesome rommies, we broke up. Now, as far as break ups go it was prolly one of the best ones yet. We're all still friends and such and no one hates anyone. It was just time to see what B and I could do with this and well for me to stop hiding behind the safety net of home.

It really had become a safety net and a trap for me. I didn't have to put too much out there ya know, I could just stay in my little shell (shy turtle) and use the convenient excuse "well I have roommates"  Yes, sneaky turtle too...So I moved, while broken...I recommend that about as much as I recommend getting hit by the truck (which, in case you missed it, is not at all)  and so far it's...well...I like that he's next to me each night.

Moving on-H is starting middle school...and as the war drums beat and the hormones start raging I'm scared to death. If any of you that actually read this have or have had middle schoolers and have any words of wisdom, please leave them below. In related new, H in her rather princess like way told Vader to kiss off. Apparently he pissed her off with his girlfriend's kids and now regardless of what I do/say/try will not see or speak to him. Not so oddly, she's been doing a lot better since. The great and wonderful wizard of child support finally caught up with Vader and is now excising their right to send me part of his check. He, however is trying to play it off like this is something he's doing willingly. Whatever helps you sleep at night dude...

Theater is still full of drama...okay that was lame, however in my last post I mentioned that I had done my first lead role. I was given the best actress award for it at the theater's annual awards show. My sweetie also directed his first show this season and also won for best director so I was uber proud.

You know how sometimes you run across things and you look back and you never saw yourself getting to where you are. That was kinda deep wasn't...I guess that's where I am. I didn't see myself a year ago, or even in September at the time of my last post, where I am now. Guess it just proves that you really never can tell what's going to happen. Till next time.

It's Been This Kind Of A Week...

So as you can see from the picture, enough said...now on to the weekend...

Back in a Snow Globe

So I haven't been posting much lately. It's not because there isn't much going on but because I am so far into burnout that I just can't put my thoughts into words. I'm having trouble focusing on things at work, the things I have to do for school, hell I have trouble going to the store with a list.

I keep telling myself that there is only a set number of weeks left, 13 at the time of this post, until I complete my MBA. I'm so burnt out that I can't even be happy about it. I have so many people telling me how proud I should be of myself, how hard it must have been to accomplish what I have and of course my personal favorite "I don't know how you do all that you do."  Well I don't either, I don't think about it most of the time because if I do then I will get depressed.

I feel at times like my life is a snow globe and just for giggles some one shakes it up to see what would happen. I can tell that I'm fighting to make it through... (le sigh)

Work is crazy as hell normal but busy as we try to improve things by going electronic. Why we thought this was better I don't know. But there it is. Oh well, on to the next week. My baby turns 9 this week, on Thurs. Can't wait. till then.

When you have to say goodbye...

I work in the middle of a downtown. It's not a big downtown but it is a historic one. We're in the middle of the middle of Florida, if that makes any sense, close to the Mouse and his castle, near Mr Potter and is world of wizards, close enough to the world's most famous beach to go and far enough away that when the race fans, the bikers and the spring breakers roll in we don't have to be in the middle of it unless we want to.

Our downtown is like any other small town, there are a few shops, a cafe or two, a hair salon or three. Even a dive shop. Those of us that call it home 40+ hours a week have our favorite places. You all know the ones, where you can walk in not have to order because they know what you want.

Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to mine because they have to close their doors. No longer will my daily half and half tea be just across the street. For the last 3 years, I was able to call up and say "Hey, it's Jay-Lee, I'll have the usual and a half and half." and it would be ready by the time I walked over.

I'm going to miss them greatly...there will always be other places to get tea, there will never be another place like that though. They took the time to know their regular people, to know what was going on and share a piece of themselves. We're still hoping that someone might buy the place and keep the staff on, I love the owners and hate to see them leave. Our downtown won't be the same without them.

The things that we wish we could say

Moosmommy has a wonderful post that details exactly what I feel about work right now.

Go check her out.

First day in the Tower and I come home to a meltdown and a tough decision

Well as I mentioned  yesterday, my office was moved from it's basement location to the top floor. There is a joke among my friends due to my job that I am a dragon and that they had kept me in my basement office because of it. Well the dragon had a perch in the tower now and it's going to take some getting used to. There is much more light up there and a helluva lot more traffic flowing by my door. It will be an adjustment period but I'll adapt like any good dragon.

I came home early today. I was home by 6pm. That was early for this week. My mom had picked up Spawn from her after school program for me since I wasn't sure what time I would be home. So I called her to let her know I was going to be earlier than expected. I could tell something was wrong when she answered the phone...I delivered my news and got a flat "Fine, I'll bring her home now." When I inquired as to what the problem was I was only told that it wasn't Spawn.

About 15 minutes after I got home, Spawn came through the door, upset. I asked what was wrong and where was Grandma as I watched her car race out of the driveway. Spawn told me that Grandma and her Aunt (my sister) had a fight and that Grandma was upset. So on the phone again I was, trying to find out what on earth was going on. (I should mention that my sister is Bi-Polar and is now at 21 deciding that she doesn't need or want medication. I should also mention that my mother is also Bi-Polar and I think that she's taking her meds.) My mom tells me that Spawn payed her aunt a compliment and that set her off. And when she kept going my mom went off. Fun for all. We've (my roomies and I) have been trying to get my mom to understand that it's not helpful for this type of thing to be happening EVERY time that the two of them are around each other. Poor Spawn has enough going on without this too as one of my good friends pointed out this evening.

So I now have to make the tough decision to not let Spawn be around them until this situation is handled. She can't handle it anymore and I, frankly, can't take it anymore either. I can hope that things will get better, but I have a feeling that this is just the start of the downward spiral. 

Out of the Dungeon

My office for the last several years was fondly called The Dungeon. Mostly because it was in a basement (yes I have the red Swingline to go with it and Yes, that is my stapler and No you can't have my stapler) Tomorrow, I'm moving out of my Dungeon home and going up to the Penthouse. (That would be from the basement to the top floor for those of you that don't live in my building)

I'm not sure how I really feel about the move. This week has been 'one of those weeks' (insert echo here) I assume that it will be better. My office will now have a window (two actually) I won't be the only person on my floor....I'm going to miss my Dungeon. We often say that the only constant is change. This is of course especially true at my job. But we shall be okay and I'm sure that I will learn to love my new home.

Spawn Update:

I found a program through one of the blogs I follow called FAIR Club (see first link here)

http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-to-discipline-your-difficult-child.html

(Big shout out to Mary the Mom for this) You can also find her blog, Muddling though Mayhem, in my blog list. I tried it for the first time last night on Spawn. My roomie K asked her to empty the dishwasher and of course she balked (I don't wanna do it Mommy, why do I have to do it?) So we (it's a team approach sometimes) explained to her that we needed her help and that she needed to follow rule 3 (Do your work) and that work meant chores and that yes emptying the dishwasher is one of her chores (newly assigned and she's fighting against it but still) when she evoked the magic works "IT'S NOT FAIR" yelled at us from the kitchen, to which I replied in my great newly acquired parental wisdom, "Welcome to FAIR Club dear" Well that just brought everything to a halt...What was this? FAIR club? She was, shocked, stunned even. I had explained it to her but like most things I try to tell her,  she really wasn't listening when I did. She got the message pretty quick. After approx 5 min, (instead of the usual 30-45 min this would take any other day) she decided that she had enough, she didn't like it there. She liked being a part of the family and she emptied the dishwasher. Tonight, she helped clear the table and load the dishwasher without being asked. So for today something is working. That doesn't mean that it will work tomorrow. I'm just glad for today.

"We'll either expand into greatness or implode into oblivion." JB 2010

The above quote was made last week at a retirement luncheon for one of the supervisors by one of the VP's at my place of employment. The lady that made the statement is amazing and handles more in a day then I can even think about,  yet does it all with caring and compassion. She's one of the people I aspire to be like when I grow up.

I'm really lucky at my place of employment. That I can say that after the shittastic week last week I've had is a testament to just how much I really do like my job and the people I work with. I am surrounded by people who are encouraging and inspiring and who make me want to strive to reach my goals and surpass them. JB the originator of the quote is in the clinical realm. If ever there was a more difficult realm to dwell in. Especially now, with the (insert tired phrase here) economy the way it's been.

So onward we go, just trying to serve the people in need and do the best we can for our community and hope that we survive until the economy straightens it self back out, because eventually it always does.

The end of a really long day

So as many of you know (or maybe don't know) I'm a compliance auditor by trade. I know that sounds like a mostly boring job but hey someone has to get around to checking standards and following up on billing and all that other boring shit that I manage to do during the day. Part of what I do is prepare for external review. Now most of the external reviews are pretty routine. These are the same people that come in every quarter and we have the requirements known. Hey, someone has to sit with these people.

About once a year comes in the "Evil Demon Spawn of Hell". These are the people that really put me through the paces of an external audit. I think that the only thing worse would be a full blown IRS audit. For the last three years of these people coming in I have sat down after the audit was done and cried. Not because we had done badly but because this is just how stressful this particular audit is. What makes it even worse is that the actual reviewers for this audit are really nice but really to the letter of the standard, all black and white, no gray areas.

Now for the last 5 years I was able to end this really stressful, really bad audit with a phone call to a friend that would make me feel better. I miss that friend since I no longer have them in my life. For the first time in 5 years, I ended this audit and had no one to call. So in the absence of my person that made me feel better I went home and tried to chill, but I guess there was something in the air since my spawn decided to be off the chain tonight. I would bother to wonder where her father is on days like this but I really don't care and I really can't handle any more today.

So we are finally at the end of the day. My spawn has calmed down and gone to bed. My audit is over, not as wonderful as I would have liked but a great improvement over last year. I am here trying to accomplish my homework. I miss my friend, they always gave really good hugs when I was really stressed. But life goes on and there is always tomorrow. I get to do the internal auditor thing all over again because no matter what this week felt like already there still is two more days left before I can get to a weekend but at least I'm almost there.

Ton of Bricks

Okay, so it's been a bad week.

I thought that after last night that it might get a little better. I got to talk to my ex-boyfriend/former best friend. It was good since we haven't talked in a little while and it seemed like there might be an opening for some friendship like stuff. Who knows, we'll see.

Fast foward to today, things are going along when the phone rings at work....Now normally this is not something that is going to bring doom and distruction, well sometimes but....I wasn't expecting what I got.

Seems one of my co-workers passed away this morning. Just dropped dead at the Dr's office. So as I'm sitting back trying to process this, the phone rings again....this time not such bad news but disappointing all the same. Now in a 5 minute period there is only so much the human brain can process. However that particular 5 minutes was more then I could handle. So when someone dies like that it just leaves you shocked. So I'm still processing everything. I'm sure after I finish processing I might have something more to say.