I'm still here....

Okay, so the jist of the last almost year is this...

In February right before H's birthday I was hit by a truck. This is not a metaphor for anything, I think it was a Silveradro (or however you spell it) actually or maybe a F150 but it was a truck. The little dude that was driving said truck at 600 pm one fine Florida evening was, well he was drunk. Guess that's why he ran into me. So my whole "let's blog more often in the coming year" promise to myself that I made went the way of my left collar bone..broken.

Also in this time frame of being broke and battered by a truck (I know it's an often used phrase but until you've really been hit by a truck you have no idea and should really stop saying it, just sayin) I moved. Yes, after a 10 year relationship with my awesome rommies, we broke up. Now, as far as break ups go it was prolly one of the best ones yet. We're all still friends and such and no one hates anyone. It was just time to see what B and I could do with this and well for me to stop hiding behind the safety net of home.

It really had become a safety net and a trap for me. I didn't have to put too much out there ya know, I could just stay in my little shell (shy turtle) and use the convenient excuse "well I have roommates"  Yes, sneaky turtle too...So I moved, while broken...I recommend that about as much as I recommend getting hit by the truck (which, in case you missed it, is not at all)  and so far it's...well...I like that he's next to me each night.

Moving on-H is starting middle school...and as the war drums beat and the hormones start raging I'm scared to death. If any of you that actually read this have or have had middle schoolers and have any words of wisdom, please leave them below. In related new, H in her rather princess like way told Vader to kiss off. Apparently he pissed her off with his girlfriend's kids and now regardless of what I do/say/try will not see or speak to him. Not so oddly, she's been doing a lot better since. The great and wonderful wizard of child support finally caught up with Vader and is now excising their right to send me part of his check. He, however is trying to play it off like this is something he's doing willingly. Whatever helps you sleep at night dude...

Theater is still full of drama...okay that was lame, however in my last post I mentioned that I had done my first lead role. I was given the best actress award for it at the theater's annual awards show. My sweetie also directed his first show this season and also won for best director so I was uber proud.

You know how sometimes you run across things and you look back and you never saw yourself getting to where you are. That was kinda deep wasn't...I guess that's where I am. I didn't see myself a year ago, or even in September at the time of my last post, where I am now. Guess it just proves that you really never can tell what's going to happen. Till next time.

Life is a Cabaret

So it's no secret that I am involved in community theater. Sometimes more involved then others mind you, but always, always I have some pinky grip on a season. For the longest time (the years I was in school) I was forced to only watch from the sidelines and limit my participation. Last year I was lucky enough to be pushed into a much needed stage appearance and gained not only a part of myself back but was introduced to the love of my life.

Belonging to a community theater is like having a really big, ever expanding extended family. I am lucky enough to have one that encompasses 3 theaters in the area and I wouldn't trade any of them. Which brings me to the point of this post. 10 years ago, we did a show...Cabaret. It was amazing. From the director, whom I had worked with since my first show at that theater to members of the cast, we bonded, kept in touch, and now there is a new cast. There are a few of us back for the ride but we have the opportunity to create the experience again with new members.

I know that it will be an experience that will bring back many memories while making new ones. Of all the shows that I have done (with the exception of the last one for obvious reasons) it has been the most special. So stay tuned, I'm sure this won't be my last post on the subject.

In a related but different topic, my boyfriend (who is amazingly talented and yes I'm biased but if he sucked I would say that too) and I are about to embark on a adventure in our relationship...no we're not getting married, but we are going to attempt to be in shows at the same time in different theaters...For most people going on vacation is the real test of a relationship, well for us it will be shows running at the same time. I'll keep you posted on that too.

Till next time luvs, Ciao

Change of Direction

Wow two posts in as many days, I guess when I come back I come back...

Okay so for those of you that have read from the beginning, I thank you. For those I have picked up along the way, I am so glad you're here. When I started this blog, I was trying to come to terms with my life. I had just had a really bad break up, my poor Spawn was so out of control it wasn't funny (Actually Taz looked more in control at the time) and now here we are two and a half years later I think that I am pretty much back in control of where I need to be.

My Spawn is more in control and she and I have learned to deal with each other and the challenges that we are facing better, I have an amazing relationship (I am so glad I got hijacked into that audition back in Sept of last year)  the MBA is finished and I am trying to figure out what to do now. So things have evened out.

Which leaves me with my blog, I don't really know what to write about. I mean I can write about the dance classes that Spawn goes to, the challenges of a serious relationship when one of you is a single parent and both of you are always running to shows and auditions for community theater. I can write about community theather, where the drama is not always just on the stage. But would you want to read about it.

I hope that you will, for this is where I am and since I know that those of you that have been reading have been a wonderful source of support for me, hopefully I have in some small way done something for you as well. I look forward to the next stage of the journey and hope that you all still go with me.

By the way, have any of you ever taught a cat to fetch? Mine seems to have started.

Hell Week and everything that went with it....

Note: this post is way late due to complications in the month of Nov. I thought I hit post and didn't, so here is the post that should have happened on Nov 13.

So this week has been hell week. Basically what that means is that the show I'm in, Over the River and Through the Woods opened last night. So we've been running tech all week and wow...boy do I mean wow...anyone who has done community theater knows what I mean by that.

In other news, also this week I had a total of 3 external audits at work with one to get ready for and a holiday in the middle of the week for Veteran's Day (which also happens to be my birthday and dress rehearsal for our show) I'm not really sure I could have packed more into one week.

I've been under so much stress lately. With school, work, the show, continuing issues with Harmony...one of the few things that is going well right now is my relationship with DiNozzo. During the run of the show, actually in two days we'll make one month. I'm so proud of us. Well more as it happens.

Sometimes it just is.....

So I was able to see the last Broadway tour of Rent in Tampa. It was bittersweet at most. Kind of an ending that I wasn't ready for. It started me thinking about other things that have ended recently that I wasn't ready for them to end.

At the beginning of this year I started out with such hope. Things weren't good but I had hoped that they were going to work out. That was killed pretty quick by a break-up, problems with my daughter and as a result several months of being completely lost and depressed. So I went to therapy. Some of my friends think that therapy can fix everything (most of them are therapists themselves) and they are mostly right. I was hoping against hope that therapy would fix this, make it better, make it end. What it did do was make it easier to live with and to hide.

I still get up everyday, I still work, I still laugh, I still move....but the world around me is less bright. You would think after 7 months there would be some improvement, some mending to my heart but no. My heart still aches at empty place that was left in my life. Some things have gotten better, that part hasn't. I've stopped trying to get over it, move past it, or whatever it is that people do. I've stopped trying not to be in love with him anymore because it's not working for me. I'm working on just accepting what I have right now which is my daughter, my friends, work, school and not much else and when I'm alone at night I dream and remember....

At least the world hasn't lost all of it's color, just the sparkle that made it more interesting. At best the core that makes everything worth it is still there. Where does someone go from here? It's not standing still, it's not really moving forward but it's not going back either. To scared to feel because it hurts so bad and to scared not too because if I become too numb then I disappear. What a place to be, my very own purgatory...I always was a really bad catholic.

A friend of mine recently said that she firmly believed that it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. I really do agree with her. I can honestly say that I only thought that I knew what it was like to be in love before this. This is the real thing. Since it is and there is nothing I can do about it, the only thing to do is try to be as happy as I can be with what I do have left and cherish the memories that I was allowed to make and hope that one day maybe...

Well you know...I was always a sucker for romance novels and a happy ending eventually.